Anger

My sadness turned into anger very quickly.  How could you love someone more than you ever loved me?  How could you waste my time like that?  How could you cry your eyes out because you didnt want to get a divorce but yet you could replace me and forget so quickly.  The love we shared was for me, once in a lifetime kind of love, I thought you were my soulmate, I should've seen the signs sooner every time I asked you if I was your soulmate and you would reply saying that you didnt know and that you dont believe one person only has one soulmate.  You make me want to punch you in the face.  You play the victim so well, oh poor guy, what a horrible wife he had to leave him just like that.

No one knows about the nasty fights, the horrible words we said to each other the names we called each other and the countless times we told each other how much we hated each other.  Well you know what, I told myself I would love you forever but I think thats not the truth because what I feel, this horrible stabbing feeling, its not love its once again rejection.  You rejected me so many times.  You broke me down mentally and emotionally, never once did you tell me I looked beautiful out of your own.  How many times did I have to fight with you to even realise all the effort I was putting in, the things I was doing to make your life comfortable.  And on those occasions you would appreciate me. That's not right, thats not fair.

You brag about her like I never mattered, yes I do it too but I told you many times how I found you attractive and gorgeous, you on the other hand never did that out of your own for me.  Out of all the things we have been through, the things both of us sacrificed, I am the one suffering.

I ask God what is up with that, a christian born into a christian family and raised with christian values, confirmed infront of the church, everything followed to the T yet the son born into a non believing family, never baptised, didnt want to go to church and still does not really know if he believes - he gets off easy!!!!!

How could I have been so betrayed by my own eyes and heart, how could I be so blind to what was really happening, how could I not see the wood from the trees???  Was I so naive to think that faith would fix it all.  How I was proven wrong.

You are portraying such happiness now that ultimately I will still be judged and stoned for wanting a divorce because the poor husband got hurt.  I cant even sit back and hope that people will see the truth because they will never see the truth, I will forever be the bad person.

How does one simply make peace with being the bad person for the rest of your life?  How does one just accept that you werent really loved for the person you where or the life you tried to provide.

Its such a win/lose situation.  And once again Chantelle will lose this round.